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Tag Archives: music

Ah, the jewel beetle, our old friend!

An Australian Jewel Beetle trying to copulate with the bottom of a beer bottle, called a Stubbie by Australians.

Beetle on bottle

In case you don’t know, in Australia there is a species of beetle whose males enjoy fscking beer bottles. Turns out the brown glass reflects light in the same way the female beetle does. The bottle is like 3 times the size of the female, but it turns out males think big=hawt, so they go crazy over the bottles, so much so that they actually die in horrendous ways trying to fsck the glassy thing. This is SCIENCE!!!

It is very easy to compare jewel beetles to Real Dolls™, but i think an even better comparison is with music, in that we feel music as if it carried true feelings and not messages about feeling. And this mistake is bigger than it seems.
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I want to have a band. We’ll have a great, great guitarist (but prone to going solo and not caring about what the rest of the band is doing), a drunken bassist, someone very very lazy on the drums, and an arrogant, presumptuous and intellectual lead vocal, who will like to make bombastic, disconnected and incomprehensible statements (that of course will be me).

But our band will have a rule. We will just play songs from One Hit Only bands. Preferably, said one hits, but occasionally we shall permit ourselves to play some other song from one album that also has the hit — to seem cult.

That is why we will be called O-Ho, from One Hit Only, and a pun on A-Ha, but i guess we will unhappily be unable to play A-Ha, as they did have much more than one hit. Or did they?

Our career might go something like this: for some six months to one year everybody just assumes that we are a cover band (as most One Hits can’t be exactly recalled), and no one recognizes our self-proclaimed genius. Someday, one of the one hits, one that sounds most like we are having an “unique take” on (but mostly for lack of rehearsal), plays on the radio. As One Hitters are certainly sticky, everyone wants to hear it again (but strangely all the callers can’t exactly the name of the band). After some weeks our version goes to some of those top ten lists. Then we make a clip to MTV, sign a big contract with a producer who also produces pagode, and…

Suddenly, no one else can stand hearing us one more time. We had one hit, and that was it.

Obviously, that would be asking for way too much.