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Tag Archives: HAPPINESS

The reliably unpredictable esr implies in a post about his old cat that the essence of relationships is the attachment:

Of course, the cost of having a pet who’s such a paragon is that it will be more wrenching to lose her. A Buddhist would say that you can avoid grief only by not being attached, but how do can do that when the meaning of a relationship is all about the attachment? None of the complexities and distances of a bond with another human save us here; Sugar’s willingness to love and be loved is so simple, so unstinting, that it would feel evil to try to put protective emotional distance between ourselves and her, even though we know her death is otherwise likely to leave a painful hole in our lives.

(Emphasis mine). If you don’t attach yourself, then you have no relationship. It pains me a little to hear something like this, and i’ve heard versions of it often, because i try hard not to attach. I do think that attachments create sorrow. I do live by the idea that expectations create all sorrow, and i do put a lot of energy into avoiding both myself from having expectations and other people from expecting anything of me.

And even then i still believe i have relationships, though i am painfully aware many people don’t understand my idea of a relationship and many more do actually think it is coward or cruel of me to have such an attitude. Read More »

It is sometimes said that happiness is the goal of human life.

It does seem to make some sense. After all, everybody avoids unhappiness when they can. But it is also extremely common to have people doing things that will not maximise their happiness. Like the girl who insists on dating the boy who will dump her in the worst possible terms, again and again. Or the man who takes the job that makes him miserable 90% of the time to have 20% higher pay.

Sure, you can just take happiness to be everything people want, but then it means to some people happiness is tearing their own wounds open.

Or maybe you can assume everything that goes against happiness maximisation to be a mistake, just a dumb error from someone less capable than you are. But those mistakes are too numerous and are too close to the core of our society. Read More »

I said many times that the state of being happy is vastly taken for more than it is worth, but i forgot about sadness. Being sad is far more important than we seem to think. Read More »

My blog-friend (can i call her that?) Zenuria asks for male advice in the following case: the guy walks over to her desk at work and says “I just need to go out for a coffee” and walks away. And she wonders whether that meant she should go along. But what pisses me is:

Another (girlfriend) says that I did the right thing in doing nothing – he has to take the risk and ask me to join him.

AAAAAArrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Why he MUST take the risk, and she is right in not doing so? Why is it “respectable” for a woman not to take risks? And why should the guy be expected to do so? I mean, where does fair negotiation go if we have those strict mindless absurd rules? Read More »