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Supposedly, men are dicks and they are promiscuous, they want to fuck as much women as they can, and women are monogamous, they want one faithful partner. Of course, that is just the ideology and the way things work has nothing to do with it.

As things go, the very opposite might make more sense.

The first clue comes from biology. In the animal kingdom, females go searching for males, and males go searching for ways to block the female from finding other males.

So like males are territorial not because they dislike each other, but because they dislike the females liking other males. But the best example is the stick insect, where the males keep on top of the female for days so that other males can’t copulate with it.

Thus, for the male, monogamy is all about not opening doors.

What does that mean in practical (and human) terms? That, for the man, monogamy is not about what you do, but about what you think. Of course a jealous man will try to control what the woman does, where she goes, who she talks to. But it is not really because he does not want her to do something or go anywhere, what he does not want is that there should be some chance that she will leave him.

Of course, if the woman begins to make deals about the jealousy, it just means to the man that she wants to have a way out, that she means to leave him. The very fact that she thinks of monogamy as a deal, as business, means she is not bound to him, that if someone makes a better offer she will take it.

But for the woman monogamy is a negotiation. Something that has clauses, articles, contracts.

For example, in Eyes Wide Shut, the woman has an ardent desire to fuck the guy in the elevator. And that is not a problem, in her view. Because the contract has not been breached. But it is exactly the worst that can happen to the man. It has opened a door.

The guy goes to an epic orgy, though he still thinks of her all the time. That is the worse that can happen in her opinion. No door has been opened.

The problem with monogamy in the woman’s sense is that it is completely pointless. It does not help anyone. It makes everyone miserable. The doors that the woman is opening will make her miserable, if she does not cross them, because she will see how much more she could make out of her life, and they will make her miserable if she crosses them, because this will be a painful break up. And the life lived inside this cage is just plain poor.

Not that i think that the masculine monogamy is a good thing. It is adversarial. In it, the woman and the man are enemies, partners in a zero sum game. It is just cruel. But at least it does make sense.

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