I am a young man with too much hormones. I just say it upfront so that you can vow never to shag me, if that is the only way you can take something a man says about female beauty seriously.
Bluntly, my point is: Women have been put on a pedestal. It is like being on a supermarket shelf. From up there, most think they are powerful, but it is actually a prison.
Our society is at the same time terribly violent towards women and terribly protective of women. In the end, it’s like women are some kind of expensive industrial asset, like cars or machinery: Very important, to be very much taken care of, but not human beings. Definitely not a thing that is entitled to think and have opinions.
The downside of it is that, when the protection fails, since they are not seen as fully human, violence towards women can be really terrifying. But that is not the problem. Or actually, that is not the worst thing that society does with its women.
A beautiful young girl, full of make-up over stiletto heels, she thinks she is powerful. All the guys go drooling over her, and they give her all kinds of attention and gifts and service, they do everything for her, they generally do all they can to woo her. She feels like she is on top of the world. But she is just on top of a pedestal. From there she is to be seen, and latter sold and taken, but she is never to go anywhere. She must never do anything, she must never decide anything. All that she is to concern herself with is the shopping aisle — being always beautiful and always desirable.
But she has been robbed of strife and suffering and challenges that would make her, through rising to overcome, grow into her full potential. Overprotection is deadly.
Sheltering someone from pain does not seem like a bad thing to do. But an human being can deal with pain. Why should we avoid it? Without ever lifting something heavy you’ll never get stronger. Without ever solving hard equations you’ll never be good at maths. In exact the same way, without ever taking hard decisions or hearing hard messages a girl will never take full responsibility for her own life. She will always think it is someone else’s role to shelter her, and to decide for her, and to have goals and dreams in her place. She will remain a girl, she’ll never grow into a real woman.
In the end, all that’s left is a doll that looks like a sex machine. But even at that they are useless: They can’t grab a dick without a napkin.
But the trap is: It is very comfortable. It’s agreeable to be this doll, even if it is not fulfilling.
It is not easy to escape this trap. You have to not accept the free drinks. You have to convince yourself that it is not normal for the guys to carry all the heavy stuff. Your father can’t do it for you, neither can your husband: Even if they want to empower you anything they do will still leave you at the receiving end, and that is the pedestal itself. It is not that you must put yourself into harm’s way: That’s just an invitation for the nearest protector-prince wannabe. It’s not that you must force the guy to listen to you: That is just a doll with an talk button. You must convince yourself that there is no help available, that all you can depend on is your own strength. But what kind of weird blindness could convince you of that if the help is actually there?
As a side-note: Some girls do believe that they can use all the protection and not be spoiled by it. That she can wear make up an heels and use the boys and that it won’t affect how she thinks of herself. That what is important is inside their heads. I do agree with the argument, i do think that the only thing that is important is inside their heads. But all the girls i met that acted like that were dolls.
In the end, i don’t even know if i have any advice. Get better at sex, maybe? But even that would require taking responsibility for your own life, and thus to get out of the comfort zone. All the other options will get you criticism for being good, for trying harder. You’ll be put down for wanting to be responsible. It’s just nuts and cruel. So maybe the trap is too good. Maybe you should just accept comfort. By all means it makes sense to do so. To accept it all. To be the doll.
But as for me, i miss real women.