Boys will be boys, which is to say, men are all dicks, and so you, a respectable woman, should keep them on a tight leash, navigating them with your sexy assets.
At least, that’s how many women seem to approach life. Unhappily, there is a trap in this doctrine. Basically, it is a self-fulfilling prophecy: Exactly because women believe in that they are bound to this sad state of affairs.
What seems to be the preferred strategy to deal with the fact (that men are all dicks) is to be difficult. Just make them crawl. The idea is that if the boy really wants her badly enough he will be willing to try hard. That is why women are arrogant and abusive. They humiliate the boys that could become their partners in order to sift through the boys with bad intent.
This strategy selects 2 kinds of men: The ones who are terribly in love and the ones who don’t mind being humiliated. Everyone else will simply not put themselves in harm’s way.
Someone who does not mind being humiliated is likely to be someone who does not care a lot about the girl: Hurtful things hurt a lot more when they come from someone we love. But selecting through punishment the woman can’t really measure the difference between love and insensitivity.
Thus men that are dicks are particularly well off when women mostly use this strategy. Obviously if the guy can stand a lot of punishment simply because he does not think the words come from a real human being, that does not bode well for a future relationship. He is not likely to respect her, right?
But if a lot of women do use the strategy a whole different problem arises: Now it will become clear to the men that most of the time it is the dicks who are scoring. The reason is simple: The dick can try many women in a night, but it is much harder to really love more than one girl in a week. So the dick is much more efficient. Since good boys see that most of the time dicks have a much better time than they do, some of them will try to train themselves to become dicks. Of course being a true heartless bastard isn’t all that easy, but becoming just less sensitive and caring can be accomplished with little effort.
Now we get an arms race: Men trying to become more and more insensitive, women more and more abusive.
If this race wasn’t on, the abusiveness strategy for women would have very little risk. But after men adapt to it, almost everyone is worse off. The men are being systematically abused, the women have smaller and smaller chances of finding a caring partner. But given this situation, the best option for a given individual woman is not to go against the pattern, if she does that she will just randomly bump into guys who have been trained by other women to be dicks.
Of course, this is a race, so i could have made just as good a picture of it beginning from the very first man who was turned down but, instead of accepting rejection, insisted. I chose to make women the straw-man (straw-woman?). The reason is that boys usually tell each other to be dicks in hushed voices on dark corners, while women are likely to brag about their abusiveness. They advertise it in broad daylight. It fits well with the modern independent “sex and the city” pose, even though it is expressed in terms that make it not seem like cruelty. But you can find beautiful words for anything.
Surely i am not saying we must all be fluffy and happy and go singing carols in the fields. I’m just saying more intelligence is needed in our relationships.