Women are mean, derisive, and shallow. Men are brash, arrogant, and imposing. War, Night or (as some naïve fools would like) “relationships” are a though business where only the strong get what they want.
And that, my friend, will not change.
The cause being that gender interplay is locked into a Nash Equilibrium.
Imagine, for example, a guy who cared about girls. A fellow who really believed that women have feelings, ideas, and are generally good for things except sex. What would happen to this one? Obviously, he would fail miserably and repeatedly on his attempts at courtship, and end up married to that freak fat geeky girl who is also a misfit like him, and proceed to have ugly children with an even worse procreative record ahead of them.
But let’s not think about those losers too much. The point to make is that, when you pick a reasonable, respectable man, that accords to our description (brash, arrogant, imposing) and take him a little away from the stereotype, you also make him a little less able to compete. And if he derails a lot from it, he becomes a lot less likely to find a suitable partner.
The relation is direct.
And the same goes to women. If she does not humiliate, abuse, and restrict every man she encounters she will not be able to select the best breeding material. She will have to marry the second rate husband — or even, woe of woes, the loser.
Again, there is a linear correlation. The closer she conforms to this recipe, the better her boys get.
This might not be the real true final way of nature. Maybe things don’t actually need to be like this. But they are. And they will keep on being.
Why so? Because the more people use those strategies, the less different strategies are likely to work. That is, if every guy is a dick, then the sensitive guy will find it harder to court, exactly because women are making it tougher to get to them. And the same goes for a girl who does not want to be a bitch.
The relation is inverse.
This is called a Nash equilibrium.
If each player has chosen a strategy and no player can benefit by changing his or her strategy while the other players keep theirs unchanged, then the current set of strategy choices and the corresponding payoffs constitute a Nash equilibrium. It is a dynamic game that ends up reaching a static play.
No one is forced to follow those stereotypes, but in practice whenever someone fails to she gets penalized.
It should be pretty obvious from the words i chose to describe the whole biz that i am not particularly fond of them stereotypes. But i will not pretend that i don’t know that, in the end, everyone does get what they want in this system. Girls do not get Prince Charming, Boys do not get the partner-type girl who likes both blowing and soccer, but, you know, probably what they say they want is not really what they want. Prince-Charming and Partner-Girl are also excuses, exactly as artificial as the «mean, derisive, and shallow» strategy.
I will not give any definition of «what people truly want», but whatever it is they are getting it through the current system, at least bottom-line, or else the thing could not be a equilibrium after all.
And there is an equilibrium there. You know, everyone does complain about their relationships, but they don’t generally want to change how they play the game. It does not make sense to change strategy, for them, and they won’t.
But, as much as i will not pretend to don’t know that people do get what they want, i will not pretend either that i like any of that. For me, personally, those strategies are not good enough.
For example, i never pretend to lack interest in a girl when i do want her. But i also do not take the sole initiative, which many many girls see as an unmanly reaction. Let them. I have devised my own very particular, very weird, many times unsuccessful strategy, and it includes being sincere both to myself and to girls. Which basically means that, as small a disturbance my own might be, i am trying to disturb the equilibrium.
After all, just because it is a Nash Equilibrium, it does not mean it is a good solution.