I read in one of those famous blogs that “it’s better to regret the people you have done than the people you haven’t”.
Since i do agree with that so much, but actually for a different reason, i decided to come forward and say for the record that i do regret a lot of the people i haven’t.
I once, long long time ago, i made a list of all the girls i had smooched. Since the list is much much smaller than generally believed, and since i have pretty much forgot so much of the list that i can’t even guesstimate how much, i wish now that i had actually made a list of all the people i regret not having done.
I give myself a break for the puberty period, for i had all those “painful childhood” excuses, but, let’s face it, a great deal of the not-list comes from my own screw-ups, read: not having done anything. I said it and will say it again, i prefer to be courted than to court. I like to be asked out. I like to be conquered. If you think this is not the way Real Men™ should behave, so i am a girlie. And i also think it is absurd that only men are supposed to take the initiative. But, anyway, i screw up. I have. And i probably will do it again. But on to the big and tiresome list of all the screw-ups i can remember. (Please stop reading when it starts sounding all the same, i just have to take that out of my system):
- Lilian, you should have had my second time.
- Angélica, i never understood exactly what you did see in me, but your timing was definitely good.
- Ivana, well, we did after all solve our stuff, but all those years of lateness are to blame on me. You are special, hope you know it.
- The very manly girl on the bathroom line, well, what can i say, i freaked out. You were too unbelievable.
- The girl with the gold locks on the condo at Barra, i actually was still passionate about Daniela, but a little kissing would not have hurt her.
- Silvia, the girl at the Candongas show, i really tried to demonstrate that you could get me gift-wrapped if you wanted, but i really know that i was not clear enough.
- For all the girls in R Design 2004: i was busy.
- Rosália, the strange thing is, we did understand each other so well in the end, it was all there, in your eyes, and i am sure you could see it in mine too.
- Aline, well, i still do not know for sure if i remember you, but we should have done it to each other, anyway, i was years and years away from being able to begin to understand, if for example you had said to my face what latter you said to me in MSN, but i guess a little shock treatment was just what i needed back then…
- The list could go on and on, maybe some other particularly sad and idiosyncratic daybreak i will edit this post, but, for the last one, well, it is there, just hope it is not too obvious.
To tell the truth, my really big regrets all know it, except for Ana Maria Prestes. I did make a major campaign some time ago to track them all down and say: “Hey, i did love you, hope you know it, even if it is too late”. Usually, they did already know. But it was good to say it, anyway. I will probably find a way to say this even to Ana Maria, but last time i tried she did make it harder than it should be.