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At first, i thought my acceptance that life is just struggle was just a (much delayed) shedding of illusions by a very brainy, overly idealistic, and nerdy boy.

In other words, my realization that everything people say is just a trap to get some, that interest beats reasoning everyday and the weekends, that fairness, justice, honesty, morality, “the right thing”™, progress and all those other buzzwords are just masks for whatever people want in the fleeting moment.

I felt like i was accepting that no one else really wants things to make sense, that it was just me, that all this thinking and trying to understand was just a fiction. I felt like i had been trying to live in a world of fantasy, and that now i was letting it go in order to live in a world that was “more real”.

But, actually, after some years, i am beginning to think that it is everyone else who prefer to live in a world of fantasy. That normalcy is but an illusion, and a very frail one, that needs a lot of effort to stand it’s ground.

It’s not that no one else wants things to make sense, it is just that they refuse to see when they don’t. They are so strongly bent upon believing in their own (and usually selfish) idea of normalcy that they simply cannot be brought upon to seeing anything that contradicts it.

Obviously, it is easy to prove that “struggle” is just another word. That my so-called shedding of illusions is just another, different illusion. If you think so, happy you. I cannot convey what i want to without a similar memory in my readers — after all, understanding is replaying.


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