Once i spent a day with a girl in a town far away from everything. We where at a pedalo in the middle of a lake, and i told her that if she was planning on smooching me that would be a perfect time. She said yes it would and did nothing. It was still cool to be around her even if she had just dumped me, but then again at night she drank an awful lot and jumped me. The other day i told her it would have been more decent of me not to hook up with her when she was drunk and she replied “Why do you think I drank that much?”
After i served myself on a platter, after i made it ridiculously clear i wanted her, she still could not go on and take me without a bunch of booze. Taking the initiative was not something inside her possibilities.
It’s, i don’t know, like girls think they are flowers, waiting to be plucked. It’s like they can’t exercise their wills. Like they can not take their own steps. Like a relationship for a woman is defined by relinquishing her will.
And if this sounds like i am chickening out: OK i could just go and take her, but i need her to say yes, i need her to say something, i need there to be a will at the other side of the relation, even if i take most of the steps, at least some of them must be taken by her, or else there is no together in this being together, a relationship begins to look like a thing.
{And this one girl was one of the strongest, brightest, amazing-est human beings i always met. Niki, sorry to share this memory, i know it is a way to betray you and there is no possible excuse.}