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One thing that, i guess, would help to understand me, (assuming anyone is trying to which is kinda arrogant but anyway), is the way i evaluate people. Because, you know, i am kinda good at the whole understanding people thing, which came as quite a surprise to me, when i realized it was the case. And of the various things i can or cannot do, this is one that does not translate easily into words, it is something that is very awkward to explain. So maybe it is not really straightforward, let me try to talk about it a little.

Understanding people might sound like knowing how to make them do what you want, how to get what you want from them, but it was never like that to me. I am never very much aware of other people’s weaknesses, or at least it is not fun to me to explore this. There is a whole lot of this looking into people that is painful to me, where i am very much aware of the pain lines, of the negativity, of the unaware violence, of the words that cut.

And also i usually do not read people in specific ways, i can’t describe anyone in few phrases, i don’t see qualities and defects in stand-alone mode. People to me are always messy tangles of ideas and pressures and sensitivities.

What i usually can do is i have an idea of where someone can shine, where their potential lies.

I realized this while working with (or on, or about, whatever) CONE Design {which is a kind of design students political organization}, that i usually knew who was going to be a good member of the shebang, who was going to keep on being clueless, who could do lots but didn’t care about it enough, and also who just wanted the attention. When you’re dealing with groups you have to guess at these questions all the time. Surprisingly, i used to be right about my guesses. And i also realized i was more right then the other people around — even though they would not say so.

Other people in the CONE didn’t see the same things in people i saw. And i guess most of it came from a different look at it. Not only a different point-of-view, but a different what-is-it-you-want-to-know. I never much cared for who was “responsible” or not, or who was hard-working, or who was right or wrong. I guess mostly i cared only for what did drive these people, what did turn they on at this work.

Depending on how you look at it, it can be a very shallow way to see. Because everything that is serious, everything that is responsibility, everything that is supposed to be important does not appear clearly looking through this filter. But the thing is: It helps you see how this what-is-important comes to be, how people create their opinions of what matters, of what is urgent.

I guess i have a sensibility for the complexity of people.

I guess i can see people as becoming (such a fashionable word, by the way), how they make themselves into what they are.

So i see people as open-ended, i don’t know what they are gonna say, but usually i can come up with good questions. I can’t exactly reproduce their opinion of everything, but i have a feeling for what parts of their worldview are still an enigma for me, finding out where their point-of-view contrasts with mine. I am a good explorer of people. That is why i know they are so fscking complex. That is why i give so much importance to incommensurability. That is why i like travelling but i find touristic attractions boring. That is why i think there is no truth. And it might even be the root of my ease with language.

Another way to say this might be: To me there is a very big difference between evaluating people, measuring them, exploring them, and judging people, checking whether or not they fit into your model of what people should be. A lot of my preaching about avoiding expectations and relativizing might come from this visceral way of looking at people, instead of this way coming from all the ideology.

Or maybe not. How do you read this in me?

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One Comment

  1. muito bom. mas acho que sempre tive medo. mas lendo isso deu um certo orgulho de cruzarmos nossos caminhos. beijos!


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