Our affections are built from how our loved ones react to our actions, and although every person has her unique way, you can say the aggregate reactions have a certain shape. Like even though talking about genitalia does not gross everyone, it is more likely to receive censorship than praise.
Amongst every action thus produced, there are the ones forming the «thinker» archetype, but this is a dodgy mask, for it tends to hide that thinking is an action. The very «hiding» of embodiment is an action.
To hide is a trick. Interacting with people, it gives you the upper hand if they can’t read you. It’s like throwing sand into a boxer’s eyes. But this one trick can poison other actions, like the insecure cool guy who dislikes everything just to show that he already had everything that is awesome inside.
To think, it is not demanded to lay a wall between «inside me» | «outside me». To think it is indeed demanded that you conjure the sensations your feet and hands feel. It is demanded that you hunger for understanding together with hungering for eating. It is demanded to have rhythm and reach which are deep bodily powers.
The trick of denying embodiment was folded and refolded for centuries, again and again. Its powers are distilled, but so are its risks. So have i been cut by this isolation of certain behaviours and denial of certain needs. An it is not something i can unlearn. Then i need an anti-trick, which is also an action, that reconnects this body without losing the power of this hiding.
It is certainly harder to say this than to do. And there is a part of it we can’t describe. But it begins with a listening: Besides this little voice in my head, «thinker» also has a backbone hurting a little because the chair is too darn soft, also has a certain curiosity for a certain girl would like to know more about, also has hunger and a distinct lack of disposition to go after food. My bedroom’s mess is part of my thinking, and so is the sky which has just show a hint of blue after 5 grey days. To listen to those other elements is our first little step to this trick.
Another one: Not silencing thinking. Avoid trying to control it. Don’t shut the little voice out. Let it say, and then also invite it to say about this backbone, about this bed, about this music, about this sun. Call it very close to your body, call it inside.
And then you can exercise this. A good one is the improvisation, in many forms, because when you are in that moment you feel the urgency which helps you focus. You can bungee-jump. You can talk to a girl in the street. And then think about this exercise. And then think where your thinking was at that moment, which place it was occupying. Try to feel it. Meditation (in all its flavours) are good shortcuts to it, and you can meditate about the exercises later if you feel comfortable with it.
In the end, of course, you’ll understand your thinking was already a part of you. But to see it is more important than to know it. And then again maybe this is even another way to hide my own being. Because hiding is an action. It is a trick. And thinking is an action. Repeat.